Since I last wrote to Sharon I have been on a very interesting journey. I decided to not take any classes at this time and to just study from some books I found at my local library.
I have been painting up a storm, it has been fun once I just put all my fears behind me and got out there and did it.
First I purchased some new oils that are professional oils and right off I could see a big difference from the cheap student brand I had in the first place. One question that popped into my mind was why on earth did the teacher at the night school tell us to buy such cheap oils? Hmmmmmm!
Ok so let that one go, then I got some real canvas’ not just the canvas boards and again what a difference that makes.
My first attempt was one of a simple still life, I have to say I removed the paint a few times but finally I got a vague rendition of what I wanted to paint, it was in no way perfect but it did have some interesting qualities.
I loaded my brush with a lot more paint than I would have, due to one of the art books I read, and I started putting the strokes on sort of loose. I tried this technique for a few times but I found I did not like the results…..it looked like my 7 year old did it! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!
OK, Ok, stop feeling so bad and pull yourself together……so the next thing I tried was to paint more realistically. I painted a scene from one of the books, step by step and this artist painted like I wanted to paint. Doing each step and letting myself just be creative started feeling really good. Wow I needed to get an artists beret! Yeah right!….. come on don’t get too out of hand here Jill!
My husband came home that evening and saw what I had accomplished and actually was amazed that I had painted it. What joy!!! Oh boy now I am on a roll……NOT!
The next day I started working and actually loved it, then my doorbell rang and it was my neighbor that I had gone to the classes with. She immediately wanted to see what I was doing as she had stayed in the night class and was painting a lot.
I could tell from her stance (Folded arms and head tipped) and the look on her face that she didn’t like it one bit. There was a lull while she eyed my painting, she finally opened her mouth and said “Jill you should have stayed in the night class!” That was all nothing more.
Now if it were turned around I would not have treated her differently. I would have lied trough my teeth and told her how great it was, no matter what I really thought, but she is not me and she has a different way of communicating which can be a bit offensive.
At first this really bothered me, I felt like a complete failure, I immediately started questioning my decisions… my confidence flew out the window!
Should I have stayed there? Did I make a mistake in quitting the class and going off on my own? Would I have been better if I had kept on with the nasty teacher who put everyone down? Is that what “suffering” as an artist means?
After she left I sat for a while looking at my painting and I just realized that I didn’t need her approval or anyone’s for that matter. I don’t need to question myself. I didn’t need to let someone make me feel bad. This was a great improvement from when I was in the class. I have been researching articles on standing up for yourself and not letting others rob you of your joy because they may have personal problems.
I have come a long way baby! I feel good about how quickly I bounced back from her put-down and I feel good about my art!
I am now working with more art books and learning about color mixing and composition from Sharon’s Color mixing workbook. I never knew there was so much to painting! I am happy I left that class and have found that you don’t need to have a teacher by your side to learn how to paint. You just need to have the desire and patience!
I also have learned that no matter what I am not the same person I used to be.
I am stronger and I don’t let things bother me like they used to.
Each day I get better and better at being who God meant me to be.
I will let you know how I move along…………….